How and Why You Need To Go Down On Your Sub
An anonymous follower recently asked me for tips on performing oral on his sub.
I assume the reader was a fellow Dom, so I'm writing from that perspective. I also think the Dom is a man, but allow me to disclaim: I love the gays, the breeders, the bisexuals, the transsexuals', the transgender people, and all forms of lovers, as long as they're consenting adults. However, for this article, I'm going to simplify by using male Dom/female sub. If that's not you, feel free to translate.
First of all, there is an appalling misconception circulating in our community that a Dom should not go down on his sub because it somehow diminishes his power or puts him in a submissive role. My opinion is that it's flat fucking ridiculous. A submissive's pussy is an access panel hard-wired directly into her central nervous system; if you don't use it, you're an idiot. Then again, I'm heavily biased. The pussy is like an exotic fruit, and I can't get enough. Sometimes I forget who I am when I'm down there. It's like the Bermuda triangle – one day, I may go down and never come back. But I digress.
For the sake of Doms out there that may need a little guidance in the oral sex department, and as a service to all the subs that aren't being adequately owned and controlled, I'm going to issue some general principles on eating pussy, D/s style.
Don't go rushing toward the clitoris!
Make out with her for a while, A LONG WHILE! When she starts getting all squirmy, that's when she thinks she's ready; She's NOT! Just because she wants something doesn't mean it's time yet; this is when the Dom has complete control. She's eager; she wants pleasure. You're going to make her wait. So, when she starts to squirm, adapt the make-out. Alter your kissing, so it's a tease of what's to occur. One long slow lick and a few gentle short ones across her top lip. Imagine that little apple at the point of her lips is her clitoris. When she finally gets the analogy, she'll get squirmy.
Use your hands (and your words)
Start touching her—Neck, collarbone, breasts, nipples. Use suitable pressure. If you pinch, do so lightly. Go out of order. Keep her guessing. Please pay attention to how her body and breathing responds. You'll know you're doing it right when she gets goosebumps. Make your way south at about a quarter the speed that feels natural; for girls, foreplay is about anticipation. Anticipation=precipitation. Start whispering. Tell her what's about to happen. One of my favorites:
"I'm very, very thirsty. So I'm going to wait until you're very, very wet, and then I'm going to take what's mine."
or the classic:
"I'm going to lick your pussy right now."
Now, reach down and gently stroke outside her panties. If you feel her pooling up, you're doing it right. If you're not, continue a combination of steps one and two – and take it slow.
Make her ask for it
Most of the time, during D/s sex, you need to take action, to use your girl the way you want. Part of the thrill of submission for some girls is that they don't have to take responsibility for fulfilling their fantasies – the big mean Dom is "forcing" them into it, so how can they be ashamed? So, if your girl is shy about receiving oral sex, feel free to skip this part. But most likely, she's not.
Don't just go down on her as a chore – she's your property. Make her ask for it. Make her beg for it earnestly. Oral sex should be the ultimate pleasure for your submissive – but it's not all about the reward for her. You're going to get something for giving her that pleasure -more control, more submission.
Oral sex is a perfect opportunity for you to reinforce your Dominance powerfully. Do you know the old story about Pavlov's dogs? Each day, Pavlov would ring a bell and then feed his dogs. Eventually, all he would have to do was ring the bell, and the dogs would salivate. The point here is that the dog's bodies betrayed them – they began to associate the bell directly with the involuntary drooling behavior, even when no food was present.
In the case of submissives and oral sex, the desired behavior is begging, and the "bell" is you prompting her to beg. In this example, oral sex is the food she craves. So, by telling your sub to beg, and then having her beg, and then producing mind-blowing orgasms, you're training your sub to associate begging and obeying with incredible, orgasmic pleasure – even when that pleasure isn't present! You heard me. After a while, the act of begging in itself will excite her as though she's just had (or is about to have) a fantastic orgasm. This, my fellow Doms, is the very essence of control – when you can rewire your submissive's conscious thoughts and force her body to respond to your commands. This is the loophole in the mutual consent crucial to any D/s relationship. Sure, your submissive has given her consent for you to do these things to her – but she has no defense once you've possessed her mind in this way. This isn't crazy Svengali make-believe either – it's classical conditioning, and it's a staple of behavioral psychology.
Force her to beg. I suggest asking questions like these once her panties are soaking, and she's getting very squirmy.
"What do you want, baby girl?" Make her say it.
"You want me to lick that tight little pussy, don't you?" Make her beg for it.
"Tell me how bad you want it. Tell me who owns that pussy. Tell me who you belong to."
"Tell me who owns my sexy Lil girl."
Generally speaking, if your girl can answer using entire words, she's not ready yet. Wait until her responses consist mainly of little cries and moans.
Get down to it
Part of what you're expecting from this article are tips on the actual mechanics of performing oral sex – and I'll offer some. Please be warned, however, that there are very few "magic tips." Every girl is different – literally. The structure of a girl's vagina, her hood and clit size, the exact location of her g-spot, and thickness – all of these crucial elements vary from individual to individual. You're going to have to go on an exploratory mission. Keep in mind that speed and pressure will vary from girl to girl as well.
Explore with your tongue
Soft, slow licks, don't spend too much time (if any) on the outside of the labia majora. One or two strokes with the tongue are plenty. Once you've introduced yourself, put the tip of your tongue at the very back of her pussy, near the perineum. Now run it up slowly– applying moderate pressure – until you reach the top: this is where you'll encounter the clitoris. Hello there. Use this first pass to evaluate how aroused she is. If she's already boiling over, her clit will be engorged and exposed in some cases, depending on the hood and size of clit. If she shudders/twitch/yelps when you hit the top of her pussy – that's a sign she's very aroused. If not, don't despair; repeat the introductory stroke from perineum to clit.
Use both your hands
Again – it varies from girl to girl. At this point, I like to reach up and pinch a nipple or two. Maybe a little harder than before, until I get a moan and a thrusting or turning of her hips. I want to cause a little pain; I'm not a sadist, but I need a girl to know that I'm in control and that she doesn't know what I'm going to do. This situation requires the illusion that it is a little dangerous for her. This creates excitement for her mind and body.
Once her clitoris is engorged and exposed, I start working on it. Sensitivity varies WILDLY from individual to individual. Some girls can barely handle very little attention on their clitoris – in which case you're going to focus on teasing the area around with the tip of your tongue. On the other extreme, if your girl has an ex named Hitachi, you'll need to apply a lot of pressure. I recommend two techniques at this stage:
The first one I call the circle. Form your tongue into a rigid member and circle the clitoris twice, then bisect it once. Like you're circling the clock twice, then drawing a line from six to twelve. Vary the angle—six to twelve, Three to nine, etc. Vary the pressure and duration based on her body's response. If she pushes her pelvis into your face, apply more pressure. If she backs off or tries to get out of the way, ease up.
The second technique I'll highlight here is the draw. Perform this by sticking your tongue all the way out. Make contact with the clitoris as far back as you can on your tongue, then draw it upward along the clit until you reach the tip of your tongue. End the movie with a strong stroke of pressure from the tip of your tongue. Don't use this too much – two, maybe three times a session. Leave her wanting more.
The third technique is my favorite because it allows for complete control over the clit; this is advanced and takes practice. Take your lips and gently suck in her clit, and with your teeth, you want to lightly close them around the clit. DO NOT BITE HARD! You are trying to hold a small gap between your teeth. Then you suck in and out, pulling her clit back and forth between your teeth. Once you have figured out the correct pressure, she likes. You now focus on speed; you can change it from fast to slow; however, when you want her to cum, stay at the speed you find her body responds to the most. You can also suck and hold her clit, this will increase blood flow and make her sensitive. (A pro tip is to remain in the same rhythm once she is about to orgasm or is very close to orgasm. Changing speeds could reset it and cause her to lose orgasm and focus. )
Vary these techniques according to how your girl responds. Listen to her moans. Repeat what she likes. Focus on the areas where you get the most response. Then, when she's really, really wet, it's time to:
Use your fingers
Insert one finger first – I prefer the middle because mine is longer than my other fingers. If you experience dryness or friction, one of two things is happening. Either a.) she's not aroused enough or b.) she runs dry – in this case, you will want to use a lubricant. (NOT VASELINE EVER) Be careful and talk to your partner. Some girls are allergic to glycerin, others to water-based lubes. Talk to her.
If she is wet, your finger should go in fairly quickly. Ease it in any way. Tease. She wants your finger in her, trust me.
Did I tell you to stop with the tongue? Focus here. Multi-task. You're still doing draw (minus the finishing move) and circle – although I'll be honest, at this point in the game, I'm already on autopilot, so I'm not sure what the fuck I'm doing up in clit-land. A girl once asked me later if I was tracing the alphabet. Really? The Greek alphabet, maybe. In cursive.
So the tongue is still working, and now your finger is too. Once you've got middle in there, start to bend your finger into the "come here" beckoning gesture. The tip of your finger is going to brush up against the spongey tissue just inside the vagina. If you drew a line from her navel to her clit, you're now rubbing the part about an inch above her clit. YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE G-SPOT, gentlemen. Again, there is no standard equipment here. On some girls, it's literally right inside the vagina; on others, it's farther up inside, maybe halfway to her navel. You're going to have to explore (gently) and locate by moans and squirms and grunts.
Once you find it, massage it. Put upward pressure on it. Keep circling and drawing. Insert another finger; now you're motioning with both.
She should be responding very actively at this point; you want to get her riding on the edge. For some girls, that means constant pressure on her g-spot with two fingers and drawing very rapidly along her clit, up and down, increasing in speed.
About this time, the girl usually starts asking if she can cum, so this is when I like to:
Change the rules
Gentlemen, if you don't have orgasm control over your sub, I strongly suggest you correct that situation. I won't reiterate my views on the subject in detail here; let's say I'm a believer. And, if you're interested in such control, now is the perfect opportunity to take it.
When a sub is in this state of arousal, she's very suggestible. I don't recommend negotiating essential terms of your D/s relationship at this point (orgasm control being one exception), but I DO recommend you make minor changes. For example, years ago, when I first got together with one of my subs, I established a protocol with her girl around orgasm control. When she felt herself reaching climax, she would say,
"Does Daddy want this girl to cum?"
Almost invariably, I would say yes (I really can't resist a girl when she asks nicely), and fireworks would ensue. This worked GREAT for about six months. Recently, I figured out the idea of an orgasm mantra from playing with her.
"Does Daddy want this girl to cum?"
"Not yet."
[moan of frustration and disappointment.]
"Does my baby girl want to cum?"
"Yes, Daddy, please let this your baby girl cum."
"I have a new rule for you."
"Yes, Daddy. Please tell your baby girl the new rule."
"From now on, when I permit you to cum, you will recite a mantra until you're finished cumming. Would you like to know what the mantra is?"
"Yes, please, Daddy. Please tell your needy girl."
"This girl belongs to Daddy. She is his possession. Say it."
MOAN of arousal.
"Please, Daddy, may I cum?"
"You may."
At this point, my technique consists of three things: consistent, high-pressure strokes on the g-spot, high-pressure, fast-paced drawing on the clitoris with my tongue, and humming. Yes, you heard me. I'm humming nice and low to create a low-frequency vibration. I'll call this the "Hitachi." So I'm stroking, drawing, and executing a low-frequency Hitachi. Meanwhile, she is desperately trying to remember, let alone articulate, her mantra. And I feel like the king of the world.
Advanced Tip: At this point, I like to reach up and partially restrict the girl's airflow with my free hand right as she's cumming – but this could e DANGEROUS, and I do not recommend it for beginners, or even for experts if you're a new relationship. Breathplay is not casual, and it is not something you "dabble" in.
"This girl belongs to… possession… I'mnacum…. Daddy… this girl… possess…."
Cue the fireworks.
Make the ending happy.
I like to keep going until the girl gives me two dramatic hip thrusts – that signals she's had all the sensation she can take. Your girl's cue will likely be different - you'll have to learn it. I like to take a girl just past the edge and keep her there for a while. Then, usually, I'll slide up until my lips are on her ear. I'll do some primary reinforcement.
"You belong to me, girl. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Da-" I usually interrupt her response with a slap right on her pussy to 1.) Let her know I'll decide when she's had enough sensation, and 2.) To remind her that her responses are less critical than my control. Of course, if she doesn't finish the answer, I'll usually say,
"Did I tell you to stop speaking?"
"No Da-" Thwap. One more slap. The idea, here again, is confusion and reinforcement. Keep changing the rules. She needs to obey the rules, yes, but really, the rules are whatever you say they are, and she needs to be anticipating your needs constantly.
Once she settles down, and the hunger for orgasm is over, I like to do one last round of reinforcement. She's calm now, out of the throes of ecstasy, and her rational mind is returning. It's a good time to say things like:
"You're a very good girl when you cum for your Daddy."
and
"You're so fucking sexy when you do what you're told."
or
"I love owning this pussy. You are an extraordinary girl."
It is natural, correct, and deeply satisfying to have direct control over your submissive's body. Gentlemen, go forth and get more control over your sub.
