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What are the Signs of a Fake 'Dom'

What is BDSM | What are the Signs of a Fake 'Dom'

What are the Signs of a Fake Dom? The truth is that many individuals who are involved in alternative lifestyle are prone to become victims of a fake Dom or Fake Domme. Fake Dom's often have very little respect for the sub, constantly thinking that a D/s dynamic is just for their advantage, and they, therefore, can do anything they wish with the sub. They often take on a role of authority that is totally bogus and is generally just a tactic to control and manipulate.

Be warned if you ever come across a Fake Dom or Fake Domme; it's not all good news. Often fake Dom's are only one aspect of a group and comprise more than one individual. You may see the signs of a phony Dom all over the place, but when the dust settles, you will find that there were actually several fake domes and bad-mouthing submissives involved in the whole operation. This is what we're discussing here.

Let's face it...a man or woman who claims to have a "dominating" personality, while it is blatantly apparent that they don't have one, is not someone you should spend any significant amount of time together with. Most men and women involved in a long-term relationship with a fake Dom will often leave the relationship feeling as though their "domesticating" persona had been subverted and that the fake Doms really had total power and control over them, their submissive partner.

They are usually angry and bitter about this point, but it is important to note that they will NOT change once they have left you.

So what are the signs of fake Doms?

  • Controlling behavior due to fear of losing their partner.

  • Isolating the submissive from family and friends

  • Discouraging self-sufficient behavior

  • Not allowing any social interaction which does not include the dominant

  • Out of control jealousy

  • Explosive temper

  • Behaves like a spoiled child when not getting his/her way

  • Abuses drugs/alcohol

  • Does not take responsibility for mistakes

  • Uses unhealthy behavior to gain control over the submissive

  • Emotional blackmail. Example: Keeping the submissive in a constant state of fear that the relationship will end if they don’t get their way.

  • Emotional Withdrawal. Example: Using the “silent treatment” or physically withdrawing and cutting off all contact rather than communicating and taking responsibility for the situation. (Withdrawal of affection.)

Other Signs to Watch Out for in Fake Dom's

You need to watch out for the classic sign of a fake Dom - the insecurity. Bad boys (and "bad girls" as well) have insecurity issues because they don't know for sure that they have a "quality mate". So, whether they are BDSM expert or not, you should always watch out for them throwing around the word "red flag". A red flag is something that is obvious, and that tells you something. For example, if a guy throws around the word BDSM on a daily basis, and you can pretty much gauge his personality from his questions, then he is probably insecure and scared.

Another classic sign of a fake Dom is if he isn't submissive. It is pretty obvious when a guy is submissive, but he can also be very dominant as well. Some men have a natural instinct to dominate, and if you watch their attitude when they are in the bedroom, you can pretty much gauge how dominant they think they are. In terms of a bad boy, a guy who acts like the leader of the pack almost every time is probably a fake dom. He is trying to establish himself as the leader, and often uses physical control on you to show him how dominant he is.

To sum it up, there are several classic signs of a fake dom. If you see one of these, and you also notice that he has the above-mentioned traits, then your guy might be a fake dom. Watch out for him, because you don't want to get into a situation where he's dominating you or controlling you in some way. If you see him behaving like this with you in the future, stop dating him. You deserve a healthy relationship after all.



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Thank you for this! I wish I would have known all about this years ago when I came across one. It took a long time to get past.

Your Gentle Dom
Your Gentle Dom
Oct 03, 2021
Replying to

I know, I wish I could have helped so many out before they fall into the trap of a fake dom. That's why it's so important for us to understand our worth and self esteem. Also establishing healthy boundaries weeds them out as well.

Thank you for the feedback, it brings me joy that you found helpful information.

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