The Well-Balanced Dom & Sub Power Exchange Relationship - BDSM

The Well-Balanced Dom & Sub Power Exchange Relationship - BDSM


The Dom
  • The Protector

  • The Disciplinarian

  • The Guide

  • The Nurturer

  • The Safe Place


The Dom may critique but never criticizes. To critique is to make it better. To criticize is to tear down.


The Dom reaches for perfection but practices unconditional acceptance for themselves as much as for his sub.



The Dom understands that trust is the most critical aspect of a relationship and does everything to protect and nurture that.


The Dom always acts in the highest good of both. If a decision must be made between the Dom or the sub, the highest interest of the sub is paramount.


The Dom may endeavor to break a habit but never to break a spirit.


The Dom cherishes the sub above all else as the most prized possession.


The Dom takes ultimate control in a situation that has gotten out of control to protect a sub.


The Dom provides discipline as outlined initially or updated in the definition of the relationship agreed upon by both.


The Dom provides aftercare - without exception - after intense play or discipline.


The Dom guides his sub in areas, where necessary, to improve the sub in areas initially agreed upon by both.

The Dom nurtures when a sub needs it.


The Dom is the sub's safe place, the place the sub calls "home." It is a place where unconditional acceptance and compassion are guaranteed.


The Dom honors the power of the submission with which they have been entrusted.



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The Sub
  • The Protected

  • The Disciplined

  • The Guided

  • The Nurtured

  • The Safe Place


The sub differentiates between critique and criticism, responding positively to critiques by the Dom.

The sub strives for perfection but practices unconditional acceptance when evaluating their performance.


The sub gives their trust responsibly and earns their Dom's trust, understanding that it is the most crucial aspect of a relationship.


The sub knows the Dom always acts in the highest good of both. The sub must always communicate their needs clearly and respectfully so that the Dom has the vital information necessary to maintain responsibility.

The sub may never endeavor to diminish her quality with self-depreciation.


The sub values themselves as a most prized possession, prioritizing her health and well-being.


The sub yields control to their Dom without hesitation in situations that have gotten out of control.

The sub understands discipline as an integral part of the power exchange, designed to assist her in achieving the goals initially outlined in the confines of the relationship.

The sub understands aftercare as a vital part of the play and discipline process and is open to it.

The sub is charged with using good judgment in self-governance to improve in areas initially agreed upon by both.


The sub asks for and accepts nurturing provided by the Dom. The sub also maintains a self-care routine mutually agreed upon. This self-care routine may include but is not limited to manicures, pedicures, meditation, time with friends, or exercise.

The sub is Dom's safe place, the place the Dom calls "home." It's a place where unconditional acceptance and compassion are guaranteed.


The sub reverently gives their power of submission. If the sub feels that their submission is not being treated reverently by their Dom, they must seriously consider revoking it.

The Relationship

A good D/s relationship has all the characteristics of an excellent healthy traditional relationship. The relationship must meet the needs of both participants, serving to enhance life and never causing misery.

Once you have found someone with whom you are building a power exchange relationship, communication is the key. Discovering who each other is, how you have become that person, where you have traveled from, and where you see yourself going are pertinent to building this relationship. (This is part of the Vetting Process.) Communication should be smooth - without concern and without trying to be something you are not. Honesty is eminent. There's no point in pretending to be someone other than who you are. Eventually, the truth will come to light, and the relationship will fall apart. It is better to be just who you are from the start. Sharing your dreams, goals, and aspirations is as necessary for a power exchange relationship as in any connection.


Establishing the outline of your relationship will be next. Your relationship will have a higher chance of success if you discuss your needs and wants initially. Going into a relationship with unexpressed expectations is a fatal error. Speak honestly about what you expect from a partner. What gives you pleasure? How do you know you are loved? What are you looking for from a power exchange relationship? What do you picture the relationship will look like? What are your hard and soft limits? Safewords? Then listen openly to their expectations as well. Communication is always a two-way street.


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Once you spend time getting to know each other and discussing the relationship, you can relax into the dynamics of the relationship. See how things flow between you. Reevaluate and assess how things are going. Are your needs being met? Does the energy flow between you seem to be easy and reciprocal? Are you giving as much as you are receiving? Even though this is a D/s relationship, the needs and input of a sub are as important to the success as the Dom's. If there is a disappointment, then determine if you can redefine some things. It may even be necessary to end the relationship.


If you decide to continue the relationship under the same parameters or renegotiated ones, the association should develop smoothly. Periodic reevaluation is crucial to ensure that both parties needs are met as the relationship develops. Neither party should remain in a relationship that does not serve their highest good.

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