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BDSM Aftercare 101


What is Aftercare?

Why BDSM aftercare is important


Before you enter any BDSM sexual encounter, you must know what after is. BDSM aftercare is an essential part of any scene, as it ensures no severe or lasting damage; however, it can be even more minimal when a scene is not intense. Aftercare is commonly understood as any post-care after sex, which we will discuss in this article. You can use this information to better understand what you can expect from your partner and how he will react to your desires.


BDSM activities may drain the submissive's mental, emotional or physical energy. Because of this, the submissive may feel in need of emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness.


For some women (and men), specific phrases or words can help set the mood and set up a situation where there is mutual acceptance, trust, and cuddling. The primary term that can be used is safeword. The safeword is any word or phrase that you two can use to communicate non-verbal messages. For example, if you and your partner are in the stage of making love and you say the safeword "Yes." The other partner will interpret this as a sign that he should stop because you want him to.


Aftercare is critical. Your dominant and submissive partners should be given plenty of time to rest, relax, and rejuvenate afterward. If possible, a bathroom break or pajamas, sensual massage so that both people can relax and get much-needed shut-eye. Some people like to take a bubble bath or put on some relaxing music so they can be lulled into a sense of well-being. Anything you can do to help alleviate the strain and tension after the scene is helpful.


How to provide aftercare


Aftercare may include expressing love and gratitude towards each other verbally or physically by cuddling, kissing, or skin and hair stroking. You may also choose to discuss the scene to improve your knowledge about what you both enjoyed, making it even better next time.



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Nourishment and hydration are essential; keep a snack supply close by. I tend to go for a piece of chocolate, fruit, or a granola bar, for example. Accompany the snack with a warming or refreshing drink. Be aware that body temperature often drops sharply after play, so provide a soft blanket or cozy bathrobe for some warmth. If you’ve tied your submissive up, a message will provide some extra comfort.


Make sure to closely look at any welts or marks to see if they require any attention. This would also be the right moment to admire the markings together if that’s your cup of tea. I recommend smoothing on a soothing lotion or gel (I prefer to use Aloe Vera Gel, which is also great for fire-hot private parts or rope burns), but some submissives love the ‘after glow’: the warm, glowing feeling on the skin, which can be the result of a spanking, whipping or caning.

Putting together a ‘BDSM aftercare kit.’


It’s always good to be prepared, so I highly recommend either getting your ‘aftercare kit’ ready before you start the scene or having one ready at all times. This is practical and a wise thing to do when the submissive might need a little break during play. Here are some ideas of what you might like to include:

  • Small snacks

  • Refreshing or warming drink

  • Soothing lotion and/or hydro-gel

  • Soft cotton underwear

  • Blanket or bathrobe

  • Wet-wipes

  • Warm socks



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Of course, as with all articles I write, feel free to adjust any of the above to suit your needs better. The things I mentioned are merely suggestions, and most are my personal preferences for an aftercare routine. I’m not by any means telling you how you ‘must’ treat your submissive or dominant since I’m aware that some kinksters prefer no aftercare at all, but I do sincerely hope that my tips will enhance your BDSM experience.

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