A Quick Guide For Newbie Sub Girls
Possibly you had known you were kinky since childhood. Perhaps you acted outs as a rebel against something you knew your parents would not accept, or maybe your curious nature brought you here. You were different in school. You thought a little "outside the box" from your peers. Perhaps you were even the school "slut”! (Not a bad thing btw, by it feels terrible when kids judge what they don't' understand).
Be aware, not everyone is entirely upfront with their intentions. I should point out that this is why the BDSM vetting process is so crucial when starting a new connection. What you seldom see is only part of what's going on. You have been seen; you can count on that. People have desires to bring you into their dynamic or inner circle, couples seeking a unicorn, submissives who get close to you with the hope of offering you to their Dom. The truth is, many people want you, and that's fine, but people should be direct and make you aware. The challenge is not everyone does.
People sometimes disregard their manners when they have young pussy on their brains. They neglect to tell you their intentions. Your expectations have you thinking it's one way; then you find out what is transpiring. You learn this all ultimately with a few distorted occurrences. As you explore with different people and get to know the scene, it all becomes more apparent. Like a light bulb moment, "ah-ha!".
The truth is Dominants can be predatory. And I'm not just talking about male Dominants here. Females Dominants as well. It's in their nature to aggressively go after what they want. And aggressive assertiveness is NOT necessarily a bad thing! After all, subs are wired for a dominant counterpart. It's why we like them. But some are ETHICALLY assertive, and some are not. That goes for SUBS too. Some Doms enjoy a clean palate and sharing new experiences; they will be completely transparent with you about their intentions. And some will look at you like a new toy, use and be done with you before you can bat your eyes twice. This is not to say that every Dominant is that way; there are exceptions, of course. And not everyone enjoys young girls new to the lifestyle, but a LOT do.
So this is what you need to remember.
SUBMISSION IS NOT GIVEN AUTOMATICALLY - If someone insists that you submit to them, call them Sir, or serve them before you have agreed to, don't do it. They don't own you (unless they do, of course), so don't let people demand your submission before you are ready.
GUARD YOURSELF - Don't be paranoid, but keep your eyes open. Get to know the person you are considering playing naughty games with. Ask around. Don't put yourself in dangerous situations. Don't let anyone tie you up alone without a trusted friend watching. If you don't know them, don't render yourself defenseless and at someone's mercy before you have the chance to build trust.
LISTEN TO YOUR GUT -Don't ignore your inner voice. It's there for a reason. Don't be afraid to stop a scene midstream. Submissive personalities tend to want to please and not disappoint who they are with. You have to pump the breaks sometimes; It's ok. Thousands have done it before you, and thousands will after you.
DON'T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS - Let's say a 50-year-old man approaches you, and you are not into 50 y/o men AT ALL (sorry guys, I hate to burst your bubble but most 18 y/o's are not into you). If that's the case, don't be afraid to find your voice and tell someone you are not interested. "But...Your Gentle Dom, I can't do that! He is popular in the scene; he is a rope god! he is community royalty!" Fuck that. Don't let them touch you if he is prominent in the scene, but there is zero chemistry. You can be gracious about it, but if push comes to shove, I'd rather have you act like a bitch than see with someone and feel like shit after. All I am saying is take care of yourself first?
FIND YOUR VOICE - You will need it. Surround yourself with reliable submissives who have already learned this, who will model the behavior for you. Face that pressure head-on. It's not that hard after you've done it once.
CONSIDERATION GOES BOTH WAYS - Remember (and this is Extraordinarily Important), I will repeat that because it's SO important. "CONSIDERATION GOES BOTH WAYS." He is not the only one who is making the decision here. You met a Dom. He, of course, wants to scoop you up and keep you for himself (as a rule, some dominants don't like to share), so he will throw you under "consideration." You better be sure you have had a chance to consider him as well, and at ANY time you are no longer feeling it, speak up. I have seen dominants place a "collar of consideration" around a new sub's neck and the sub had no idea she was even under consideration or what that meant! (Sickening tactic btw). Don't worry about your reputation. Regardless of the drama surrounding situations, your main focus is to take care of yourself.
DON'T ASSUME YOU ARE HIS SUB BECAUSE YOU PLAYED ONCE - A lot of new people have liked the idea of belonging to someone. To experience a D/S dynamic is a beautiful thing, but it's not always immediate. Just remember, don't assume anything. If you are with a "top" and they play with many different people, he most likely wants you for a play partner. Have a clear understanding of what a Dominant's intentions are before you play. If your play with him opens up something in you that you want more of, but he doesn't, be honest about it. Accept it and don't bash him to others in the scene or claim things that are not true. People know more than you think. Just get up, brush off and keep trudging forward on your journey.
I call this realm the Lovely Hell. That's because it can be so lovely one day and such hell the next. Pandora's box has been opened, and it's SUPER hard to put away. The key is to surround yourself with good people who you trust, learn by going to classes, following my blog, get out and meet others but keep your eyes open WIDE. Have fun!