Submission is not following your Dom. It is leading him, clearing the path, and reporting back to him on any snares or problems you see ahead. It is trusting him to guide and navigate, to keep you safe.
The most basic way I've heard a Dom described uses words that I wouldn't use to describe a dog. Especially today – there are a LOT of anti-Dom posts, and a lot of "Subs Deserve XYZ" posts. But one thing I rarely hear… what do Dominants deserve? Where are the Dom quotes that say a Dom deserves A, B, C? Or a top 10 list of what a Dom needs or deserves? Well, I created one just for the Dom's. Subs, take note and understand this list; it will help you tremendously moving forward.
1. Know your Obligations.
We know Doms have obligations. We hear a LOT about that about it. We should be forgiving and understanding. We should be strong and independent. We have an obligation to be wise and patient and to be controlled and in control of ourselves and our partners. We have to accept accountability for whatever happens with the submissive. We have an obligation to take responsibility (and accountability) for both our actions and (often) our subs' actions.
Well, submissive obligations exist too. (No, not "suck my cock daily" kinds of duties. Those are play rules or relationship kinks.) Obligations from the sub include communication with your Dom and patience with the relationship, building trust with your partner. And having realistic expectations of the relationship while understanding the meaning of discretion when things need work. You know… all the stuff below?
2. Remember Patience?
Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace, and grace is a little girl…
When you start dating someone – you don't ask them to marry you the first week. Nor the first month, or (hopefully) the first year. So why are you in a rush to submit immediately? Why is there this pressure to devise punishments and tasks to validate every single status change in the relationship? Date. Hang out. Talk.
The same with fetishes. I understand you are a HUGE anal slut. But let's work up to that. Yes, I can probably put together a scene with 17 different ass sensation toys and a half dozen different positions with fun restraints. But why? Let's share other experiences. Let's learn each other before moving into what should be a permanent relationship.
It takes time before a Dom can earn your trust to guide you. It takes time for us to learn your little quirks. It takes experience to read your body language and to be able to know your fears and your feelings. There will be false starts, and stops, and pitfalls, and awkward situations. If you want a relationship with your Dom… be realistic about it.
Expecting us to rock your world immediately… it happens sometimes. But most of the time, it takes time and effort before we know you well enough to blow your mind.
3. Have Realistic Expectations.
Aren't you perfect? Well, neither are we. We're learning every day. A good Dom (one who will eventually be worthy of the title) is constantly working on those imperfections through self-help, personal exploration, educational classes, and reading. Expecting for your Dom to pay for all your dates, have a fully equipped dungeon, be the perfect boyfriend, help pay your rent when you're behind, god-like lover, and be a Master-of-All-Toys is, frankly, naïve.
It takes a lot of work to build a relationship - and that relationship has to be made from both ends. We understand that you are sacrificing a lot when you surrender your body - often, so are we (see #9). We are as giving as we can be of our time, our money, and our emotions. It hurts us just as much when we're dropped, dumped, manipulated, or lied to.
Just in case you missed it, we don't have "Dom support" groups. So while you're risking more of your body and heart on the front end – we're risking a hell of a lot of our soul and our mind on the back end.
If we're with you and making an honest effort, please respect that. We appreciate you (even when we're calling you a slut and a whore while whipping your cute little ass) for your ability to take pain and suffering and then turn it into something extraordinary. We recognize your talents and efforts. Please, remember ours.
